Sitting
here, listening to the hum of jet engines and the crackle of plastic wrappers,
it is hard for me to believe I’m on my way home after finishing my first year
of teaching in La Paz.
A year
ago, I was somewhere in between – I had graduated from Florida State, and my
mind was filled with a million and one questions as I prepared for the move to
Bolivia. I was getting ready for a trip to Atlanta for Alex and Caleb’s wedding, and I had already booked a flight to
Memphis for my Pre-Field Orientation (PFO). I was confident of God’s call to
Bolivia; I was afraid of the unknowns. What
will it be like? Will I be able to do it? What classes am I even teaching?!
Was I excited? Maybe excitement had its place among the myriad emotions I was
experiencing. But excitement did not find itself center stage.
Today,
I am on my way home, and in some ways, it feels as though nothing has changed.
Yet, this year has brought many joys and many challenges, and in many ways,
nothing is the same. God’s faithfulness, though, and my absolute assurance of
his call to Bolivia remain the same.
So what
is different?
Well,
for starters, I will never be a first year teacher again. And I survived!
Middle school is an exciting, emotional, and energetic place to be, and I love
everything about it. Sure, there are attitudes. Yes, middle schoolers do some
silly and occasionally annoying things (Remember, their frontal cortexes aren’t
fully developed yet…). But the wonderful outweighs the weird, and I can’t
imagine my life without 50 sixth, seventh, and eighth graders in it.
My days are filled with laughter,
and teaching brings out the actress in me. Somehow, all stage fright flees when
I’m singing “The Food Chain Song” to my 6th grade class, though that
doesn’t stop my heart from racing when I stand to speak in front of any size
group of adults. Which brings me to a lesson learned: kids feed off of your
energy. Kids will be enthusiastic about what you are enthusiastic about. This
year, there were many days when my classes came in…dragging. Energy was low.
Maybe they were tired; maybe they were bored. It was on those days that I found
a little theatric flare really made a big difference. You may know the
traditional PEMDAS rules to help you remember the standard Order of Operations,
but I doubt you have met the royal Order. On days when my class was “dead,”
King Parentheses, Queen Exponents, Prince Multiplication, Princess Division,
and the lowly servants Addition and Subtraction brought new life to the
classroom. On the flip side of Lesson #1, I learned that if my class came in
fired up and bouncing off of the walls, that was a day to set a mellow tone.
Too much unharnessed energy in a middle school classroom can make for a stressful
and unproductive class.
Being a first year teacher is
certainly challenging, and I am thankful I will never have to do it again. Many
times this year, I asked myself, “What am I even doing? Are my kids learning anything?” Nevertheless, the many lessons
learned leave me hopeful that each year I’ll learn new things that will make me
a better teacher for the years to come. For starters, I can now look at what a
school year looks like from start to finish, and I’ve already developed systems
that work well for me which I can, and will, improve on in the future. Oh ya,
and I actually know what I’m teaching! Those things may seem small, but they’re
a step up from where I was at the start of the 2011-2012 school year.
Some of the most encouraging
statements this year in light of my lingering “Are they learning?” question
came directly from my students. I had several students tell me how for the
first time in their lives (short though they may be) they liked math and science and that they understood the subjects. One
student even told me I should work at his old school and that he would write my
recommendation letter. These compliments meant the world to me. When I was in middle
school, math and science were at the bottom of my favorites totem pole, and
because I didn’t enjoy them, I didn’t work as hard in those classes. How would
I have described science? “Boooring…” Now I have to ask myself, “What was I
thinking?!” Today I think science and math are fascinating, fun, and so
applicable to everyday life I often wonder, “How did I think this was so
pointless?” So one of the biggest rewards for me is the knowledge that, though
my students may never be rocket scientists, they at least are developing an
appreciation for the excitement of science and the puzzle, mystery, and fun of
math!
What else is different?
I could have predicted that I would
survive my first year as a teacher, and I could have predicted I would learn
some big lessons. But item #2 on my list of things that are different came as a
complete surprise, and a completely wonderful one at that! God has a funny
sense of timing, and his plans often look very different from our own. This was
one of those cases.
Prior to leaving for Bolivia, I
committed the year to the Lord. “God this is your year. I want my life to be
focused on you.” As a part of that, I determined that I wouldn’t date anyone
this year. Realistically, I didn’t think
that would be much of an issue. I wasn’t dating anyone when I finished college
and had never dated anyone before that time. So, that was that. I headed to PFO
with no expectations, and although I knew there would be some men there who
loved the Lord and were following his call for their lives, I knew that I was
free to just get to know those guys as friends (in addition to the girls).
While I was there, I met a man named Bennett Parkhurst who liked to play games,
had a good sense of humor, was athletic, and tried to convince me to stay up
past my self-proclaimed “bedtime” to keep hanging out with the group. We spent
a lot of time together in our group of newbies playing everything from ping
pong to Bananagrams, and Ben and I had many occasions to talk and laugh
together over the course of the two weeks. We swapped testimonies and shared
some things about our families and how we learned about NICS. We also laughed
over shared jokes and ridiculous riddles, and when our group went to see Super 8 on one of the last nights of
orientation, we sat next to each other and kept a running commentary going
throughout the whole film.
When we left PFO, I wondered who I
would stay in touch with. “Maybe I’ll keep up with some of the girls in Lima,”
I thought. “They’re just across the border after all…sort of…” Little did I
guess that Ben and I would continue talking every day. First it was Facebook
messages, sprinkled with a blend of silly games, the day to day happenings, and
serious conversations about theology and where God has brought us from. Then,
when Facebook wasn’t sufficient, it was emails. Then, early in August, after
Ben had moved to Korea and I had moved to Bolivia, Ben asked me to Skype one
Saturday. Up to that point, I had been under the assumption that we were just
friends, nada más. That request was one of the first times I started to think
maybe there was something more to this (although there were a few times leading
up to that point where Ben had made comments that left me wondering). I had
already been praying for Ben as a friend, but around that time, I started
praying about whether I should be talking to a guy who was just a friend so
regularly. My journal is also filled with prayers about my simultaneously growing
feelings for Ben as more than a friend. As I prayed, Ben and I continued
getting to know each other, emailing and Skyping our way through our first
month teaching abroad.
Then, at the end of August, Ben
brought up the conversation of “us.” Broken by slow internet connection, our
conversation is a memory we both look back on and laugh about. In that
conversation, we established that we were both interested in getting to know
each other more intentionally, even though dating didn’t change much about the
day-to-day interactions in our relationship. After that conversation, I prayed
and wrestled with my own questions, “God is this wrong? I didn’t plan to date
anyone this year. Is this out of line with your plan for this year? Am I going
back on my word to you?” I prayed and wrestled and sought godly counsel, and
ultimately, after it all, I found myself coming to a place of peace with God.
There was no “No.” He had continually opened the doors wide before us and had
left me with a sense of assurance that this was from him. And so I walked
forward, trusting that God would close the door or make it clear to us if this
was not from him.
Through my relationship with Ben, I
started to learn about God and myself in new ways. I started learning to trust
God as he led Ben, and when certain questions would come up, I would pray that
God would lead Ben’s heart. God is faithful. I have seen evidence of God
answering prayers in our relationship even before Day 1, and on days when I
wondered, “Is this right?” God used reminders of those answered prayers to lead
me forward in peace. I have learned many lessons through what God is teaching
Ben, and seeing his commitment to following our Father in obedience has spurred
me on at many points throughout this year. Ben has encouraged me and challenged
me to grow, and it has been an exciting journey of prayer, trust, patience, and,
of course, fun. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It brings me to a place of
humble praise and joy every time I consider God’s ironic sense of time and
place, his faithfulness, his guidance, and the way he refines us through the
oddest of circumstances.
So, where I am today, flying home
with the excitement of knowing, “I get to see Ben!” is a far different place
than I ever imagined I would be a year ago – and it is far better.
More differences, you say?
Just another of the many ways God
has shown his continued faithfulness and provision this year is in the area of
friendships. God has blessed me with a wonderful community of women from high
school and college who have filled my life with love, joy, and encouragement
for many years, and one of the hardest aspects of moving to Bolivia for me was
knowing the time I would miss out on with those girls. I first thank God for
these women, and I thank you, amigas, for being faithful, supportive friends
during this year when I am so far away. I miss you all!
God has also blessed me with some
incredible new friends this year. My roommate, Jess, my
co-middle-school-teachers Bekah and Becky (who both have the middle name Joy!
Weird, right?), my beautiful friend, Becca, my soon-to-be roommate, Lindsay,
along with Maegan, Ali, Julie, and Amanda...I can’t imagine my life without
these women. I thank God for continuing to provide the community I need. I
thank God for the opportunity to walk with these women, learning from them and
leaning on them in the midst of a lot of “new.”
Yes, there are more differences,
not the least of which is my attitude about living abroad. Where there was
fear, where there were questions, there is now “normalcy.” No, life is not
always “normal” as I would define it (Bus driver uses passenger flashlights in
place of headlights=normal?) but there is now a normalcy to what sometimes
still feels far from the norm(No school because of strikes = “normal” in
Bolivia).
Although I don’t have time to
address the many more differences this year has brought, I can say that some
things do remain the same. I am again amazed at God’s gracious provision,
protection, and daily faithfulness in my life. I can think of many days this
year when I did not have the strength (mentally, physically, whatever) to get
through on my own. But, I’ll say it again, he is faithful. Again and again. He
is so incredibly, shockingly, wonderfully faithful.
This year has been filled with
growth, with laughter, with frustration, with joy, with new. And I can only
thank God for it all. I am ready and excited for summer break in the States
(Florida heat, here I come! I can’t wait to put on some shorts!), and I thank
God for the very way he gives us rest just when we need it (because I do). I am
excited to see my family. I am excited to go to my church. I am excited to
catch up with old friends. I am excited to see my incredible boyfriend. J I am excited to see
what this in-between season holds. And I am excited for rest.
So, there you have it. A few pages
and a few hours later, I am still listening to the hum of the jet engines, a
few hundred miles closer to home, and reminded again of the faithful God I
serve. He who promised is faithful.
This map pretty much sums it up…Bennett flew into Fort
Lauderdale where we spent the week enjoying the summer sunshine, kayaking on
Biscayne Bay, celebrating Grandma Teddy’s birthday, and eating Chinese with
friends (And yes, the boys dominated in Pictionary). From there, we headed
north through Tallahassee, North Carolina, and Ohio, all on our way to the
lovely Lake Michigan. We had the privilege of visiting with several incredible
friends on the journey and celebrating at Tom and Becca’s wedding. Finally in
Michigan, we were ready for a few days off of the road. Time to relax. Our week
in Michigan was filled with many games, sand and shore Frisbee, family, stargazing,
and a sunset proposal. I am excited to marry the man of my dreams. :) 